THE RULES OF THE BLUES

DUKES FANS: “Woke up this morning, looked around for my shoes..” countless blues songs. Normally in these missives I tend to write about my experiences, thoughts, and observations about the world around us, what I have been up to, etc. I rarely write anything that can be called, “humorous.” But a friend of mine shared something humorous with me that I loved, so I thought I would pass it on. Hope you like it: "Rules of the Blues" by Memphis Earlene Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..." "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town." The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes... sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound." The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch--ain't no way out. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and company motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chompin' on it is. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster. Good places for the Blues: a. Highway b. Jailhouse c. An empty bed d. Bottom of a whiskey glass Bad places for the Blues: a. Nordstrom's b. Gallery openings c. Ivy league institutions d. Golf courses No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it. You have the right to sing the Blues if: a. You older than dirt b. You blind c. You shot a man in Memphis d. You can't be satisfied You don't have the right to sing the Blues if: a. You have all your teeth b. You were once blind but now can see c. The man in Memphis lived d. You have a pension fund Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. Cheap wine b. Whiskey or bourbon c. Muddy water d. Nasty black coffee The following are NOT Blues beverages: a. Perrier b. Chardonnay c. Snapple d. Slim Fast If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broke-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie b. Big Mama c. Bessie d. Fat River Dumpling Some Blues names for men: a. Joe b. Willie c. Little Willie d. Big Willie Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Melon, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.") I don't care how tragic your life is; if you own at least one computer, you can't sing the blues Hope you enjoyed this. Hope it provided a laugh and a little relief from this oppressive heat. Hydrate! DUKES GIGS 1)Wednesday, July 17th; Chet Tyson Pavillion; 80Windsor Ave; Narberth, PA; 7PM-9PM; Concerts in the Park 2) August 7th;Kahn Park; 11th & Pine Sts. Phila, PA: 7:30-9PM (rain date August 8th 3) August 10 Nassau Park Pavilion, off Rt 1,Princeton, NJ: sets 5-7:30: https://westwindsorarts.org/event/summer-music-dukes/ We are at three of our favorite outdoor places for our next gigs. Narberth is another one of those cute little suburban towns near near Philly with a variety of great shops, some nice pubs, and tons of great dining spots where you can pick up a picnic meal and bring it with your blanket and lawn chair to the park. Likewise, Kahn Park is an area with great shops and places to dine and pick up food for the concert. And it is in my old stomping grounds where I lived for 10 years during the late 1970’s. Nassau Park is behind a shopping mall, but there is wonderful open seating area right next to a creek. And the creek is regularly visited by a great blue heron. Three outdoor gigs in three great spots; come on out and enjoy outdoor summer gigs with the Dukes of Destiny JOHNNY NEVER & JOHN COLGAN-DAVIS Acoustic Blues, Guitar, Vocals and Harmonica 1)Saturday, July 20, Triple Sun Distillery; 8-11PM; 126 South State Street; Newtown, PA 18940; Phone: (215) 944-3057 2)Friday, July 26; Hummingbird to Mars; W 16th St,Wilmington, DE 19806 (it's around back; ring the bell!) 9 – midnight: Reservations recommended;http://catherinerooneys.com/hummingbird 3)Saturday, July 27) Kennett Square Roots and Blues Festival; Anson B Nixon Park, 405 N. Walnut Rd;Kennett Square, PA; Festival 11 AM - 7:30 PM; The Two Johns: 2:15-3:15PM; https://www.ansonbnixonpark.org/events/2024-roots-blues-festival 4)Wednesday, July 31; Letty’s Tavern;201 State Street, Kennett Square PA 19348; 7-10PM https://www.lettystavern.com The middle to the end of July finds Johnny Never and John Colgan-Davis at several places we have played before and loved. Triple Sun is in the cute town of Newtown, and it features classic drafts and its own brewed whiskeys. There is also a good menu. Hummingbird is one of our favorite spots-a beautiful speakeasy themed restaurant/bar with great food and drinks and a wonderful waitstaff. Letty’s is our monthly haunt in the wonderful town of Kennett Square. Great food and wonderful waitstaff. And Kennett is also hosting an amazing festival featuring many of the area’s top blues players, including Deb Callahan, Slim and the Percolators, Steve Guyger, and of course, The Two Johns. Think of it as a true blues Christmas in July. So come one out; have a blues drenched July with The Johns. Sunday Blues Jam; Jamey’s House of Music; 32  S. Lansdowne Ave; Lansdowne, PA:215-477-9895; House Band from 12-1PM: open jam 1-3:00pm $5 brunch minimum Blues lovers and players have made Jamey's Sunday Blues Jam the place for great blues jamming, inexpensive and tasty eats, craft brews on tap, fresh ground coffee, a great waitstaff, and friendly people who love the blues.  Each Sunday features an hour long set by a house band, and then an open jam until 3PM. Most Sundays the great Philly Blues Kings, featuring guitarist AC Steel and keyboard ace Dave Reiter, do the hour set, and on the second Sunday of the month, July 14th, The Roger Girke-John Colgan-Davis Project do it. Got an instrument? Sing? Just want to listen to some exciting blues? Come on out and take part in this great blues jam with great food and liquid refreshments.  (If you wish to no longer receive these missives, just reply with “Unsubscribe” in the Subject Line) DUKES FANS: “Woke up this morning, looked around for my shoes..” countless blues songs. Normally in these missives I tend to write about my experiences, thoughts, and observations about the world around us, what I have been up to, etc. I rarely write anything that can be called, “humorous.” But a friend of mine shared something humorous with me that I loved, so I thought I would pass it on. Hope you like it: "Rules of the Blues" by Memphis Earlene Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..." "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town." The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes... sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound." The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch--ain't no way out. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and company motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chompin' on it is. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster. Good places for the Blues: a. Highway b. Jailhouse c. An empty bed d. Bottom of a whiskey glass Bad places for the Blues: a. Nordstrom's b. Gallery openings c. Ivy league institutions d. Golf courses No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it. You have the right to sing the Blues if: a. You older than dirt b. You blind c. You shot a man in Memphis d. You can't be satisfied You don't have the right to sing the Blues if: a. You have all your teeth b. You were once blind but now can see c. The man in Memphis lived d. You have a pension fund Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. Cheap wine b. Whiskey or bourbon c. Muddy water d. Nasty black coffee The following are NOT Blues beverages: a. Perrier b. Chardonnay c. Snapple d. Slim Fast If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broke-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie b. Big Mama c. Bessie d. Fat River Dumpling Some Blues names for men: a. Joe b. Willie c. Little Willie d. Big Willie Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Melon, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.") I don't care how tragic your life is; if you own at least one computer, you can't sing the blues Hope you enjoyed this. Hope it provided a laugh and a little relief from this oppressive heat. Hydrate!